It’s not about the pencil

I didn’t start fights in high school. I was bullied, and bullies like to start fights. So in high school I often found myself in a balancing act between a physical altercation and trying to keep the bullies at bay. If I fought them verbally too much there would be a physical fight. If I fought them verbally too little then that means they can say and do to me whatever they please which makes my life all that much harder.

I have heard “just ignore them, they’ll go away” more times than I can count. News flash, that doesn’t work. To do nothing about a bully tells them they have complete control over your actions and inactions. They can deride you or bruise you and get away with it. Maybe you can withstand this for a day, maybe a week, possibly even a month. Even the strongest will can be relentlessly told that they are terrible in some way, every day, for years on end and not be affected by it.

raging-192330_1280If the school administration understood the interactions better they might be better equipped to prevent them. One example of a poorly equipped vice principal sticks out in my mind from all the others. It started in art class, and involved a pencil. The bully in this class wasn’t new, and had been a thorn in my side for a long time. On this particular day I had gotten fed up with him. The incessant ridicule and demeaning had me on full tilt. The straw that broke the camel’s back was a simple act.

At the end of class when I was the last one leaving, still working on an assignment before lunch began, he walked over to my desk and simple knocked my pencil off. Now I know what you’re thinking. It’s a pencil, it’s nothing, it’s meaningless. Well, it’s not about the pencil. Actions have meaning. The meaning behind his action was not “I don’t want this pencil to be here anymore.” It might be mistaken as an accident, but being so close to it sitting at the desk I knew all too well how purposeful it was.

The communication in this simple act was akin to “look at me toss your things on the floor, because I can do as I please and you’re helpless to stop me. I can go where I want and do what I want. I know you won’t like me doing this, but I enjoy your pain. I want you to know as often as possible how I can freely cause you pain and suffer no repercussions.”

It’s long winded, I know. Maybe I’m looking more into it than I should be, but I remember receiving that communication clear as a bell that day. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back and prompted me to tackle him into a few desks and, well, you can imagine where it went. We were both punished, I believe I had either a friday detention or a 3 day suspension. I didn’t regret it, though.

gavel-1017953_1280Now, maybe what I did was wrong. I can’t say with certain clarity and confidence that I know what the right answer was. This post isn’t about the fight, though. This is about what happened when I was sent to the office to speak with the vice principal about the matter. Of course he will ask us both what happened and try to find the truth in between both of our half lies as teenagers tend to do. Eventually I figured out that telling the whole truth was better, even if it painted me in a less than amazing picture. At least I would be the exception to the rule of half lies.

What upset me the most, even more than the bully, was the vice principal’s reaction to my story. After I told him the series of events he asked me why I would get in a fight over a pencil. He genuinely thought that teenagers were so chaotic and unpredictable that they would start a fight over a writing utensil. How low of an opinion must you possess to actually think such a thing? I don’t believe he remained vice principal for a very long time, but this still baffles me. It wasn’t about the pencil. It was about the action, which we all know speaks much louder than words.

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Sufficiently Advanced Technology

The third of Arthur C. Clarke’s three laws states, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”

It’s easy to see this the more you interact with people that are unfamiliar with technology. Perhaps you’re unfamiliar and you can attest to this feeling. Computers seem like magic, and it is a running joke in the I.T. community to consider those that fix computers to be akin to magicians. After all, when a layman witnesses the repair of a system they’re looking at someone performing functions that are utterly foreign to them on a device that might as well run on pixie dust for all they know.

fighter-jet-63090_1920This isn’t exclusive to computers, though. I am woefully ignorant of how most any vehicle works under the hood. I understand a few general functions of some parts, like the carburetors job of mixing air and fuel. Vehicles, though simpler in the past, have become a marvel of modern engineering and technology. I might not be a mechanic, but I can confidently say that the modern automobile can qualify as “sufficiently advanced technology.”

There comes a problem when people resist technology. This is a staple of the elderly but also applies to all ages. Some people just don’t want to interact with a system if they don’t understand it. Unfortunately as technology advances it is inevitable that some systems will become so complex that it can only be aptly understood by a professional. This leaves such people with two options, become a professional or resist the technology. If they can’t bring themselves to understand it, they avoid the system that they don’t want to understand.

Technology is inherently fruit-bearing, and I believe advancing it will always do more harm than good. Perhaps I am biased since I’ve made a career out of technology, but this isn’t a scientific journal to be peer reviewed.

raisting-1010862_1920The most blatant form of this I have witnessed personally was when I was younger. I’ve been on the Internet since I was quite young. This means that I developed an affinity for satisfying my curiosity. With the Internet if you want to know more about something you can look it up. Even before Google you could use other search engines to try to find what you’re looking for. I even vaguely recall when wikipedia started to become popular. In this day and age if you want to know what the national bird of venezuela is you can figure it out in less than a minute. For the similarly curious it’s the yellow-orange Venezuelan troupial.

The Internet is the largest congregation of information that mankind has ever seen. To think somebody could have access to such seemingly infinite knowledge and information and abandon it because they’re ignorant is just stupefying. When I was younger, this habit of going to look up information might have upset some people around me. To me, I was just curious, but to another it might be seen as me trying to find out if someone is wrong. Nobody wants to be proven wrong, even if it is for the better.

I am still just as curious, though. With my smartphone and an Internet connection I have no qualms about doing a quick google search. Why would anyone avoid such a wealth of knowledge? How can some people choose to remain ignorant. I may never know.

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Wait a While

I would like to think that my mind is a solid thing, unchanging, or that the person that goes to bed at the end of the day is the same as the one to wake up the next morning. I would like to think that the person I was a week ago is the same as who I am right now, or who I will be a week from now. I know this is just not true, though. It is frightening to see so obviously how easily we are governed by emotion.

Emotion is a fluid thing, and despite our best efforts we succumb to them all the same. Some are ruled by it more than others. What we can do, however, is understand ourselves. All it takes to realize how two-faced we can be is listening to your thoughts.

sunrise-1239728_1280Suicide hotlines often tell those that call in to wait for the morning. They get more calls at night, and if you wait for the morning sun your outlook might brighten with the environment. There are biological links to certain types of light and our sleep cycles. An early morning and sunlit day is just inherently more enjoyable than a dark gloomy night time. I’ve experienced this myself. Some nights I catch myself being particularly pessimistic. As if there wasn’t enough darkness outside, it would seem to also want to seep into us. Waking the next morning I wonder how on earth I felt like that. The contrast between me the previous night and me the next morning is so striking I something wonder if I have a mental illness.

I don’t think I’m mentally ill, but every time I witness this transformation of myself from just 6-8 hours of sleep I see two people. If it is so easy for me to act and think like two different individuals then certainly it is just as easy for anybody else. You’re not just you, you’re also “you when you’re tired” or the “you when you’re upset.” Each emotion, combination and permutation of emotion that we can feel lends to another flavor of ourselves. Even the most sane of us can look like two people within a few hours, maybe minutes.

Knowing this, does it not seem somewhat ridiculous to judge someone entirely from a single impression? To think that the ‘them’ that you see in front of you wholly encompasses all of the flavors of that person; that’s nonsense. If I can so easily be two people, and anyone else can too, how do I know that the person in front of me isn’t the worse of their two? Conversely, how do I know it’s not the best of their two? If I know that I am a complex being of many thoughts and feelings, then assuming anyone else is simple enough to be pegged down with a few quick judgments is just silly.

gavel-1017953_1280After a family event, someone asked me what I thought of someone’s new spouse. I had just met them and spent maybe 15 minutes in even their general vicinity, yet someone wanted a description from me of them. How should I know what they’re like? Would I want someone to think they have an apt description of me from 15 minutes of interaction? Certainly not. I don’t have an opinion of them yet, I have no strong feelings one way or another. Unless I am around someone often I don’t try to create a mental blueprint of that person and who I think they are. There’s no point in doing so for people I will only see once or twice a year.

So don’t be quick to judge, you might not know who you’re talking to. If you’re in a sour mood, just wait a little while. Even if you’re not having a good day and it’s the morning, wait a while. Don’t give weight to feelings that are fleeting. If you’re thinking about ending your life, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. At least wait for the morning sun, because no matter how bad things get they can always get better.

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Who Am I

It sounds a bit silly to ask yourself who you are. Surely there should be nothing more well defined in our heads as to our own identity. I’m not talking about amnesia or identity disorders, either. I posed this question to myself, and the damndest thing happened when I tried to answer it. That was that I didn’t have one singular definitive answer.

First Image

For the longest time my image of myself was obvious, as much as most people I suppose. I saw myself as an introvert with a passion for music and technology. I’ve been lied to enough to be skeptical about almost anything presented to me, and I was raised by parents who made sure to keep empathy strong in me.

lake-430508_1280To play the devil’s advocate is to consider the opposite of a position for the sake of trying to consider all aspects of that scenario. Maybe the driver didn’t swerve in front of you because they’re reckless, just maybe they thought they were going to hit something you didn’t see. What if actions that seem unjustifiable are somehow justified, but I simply lack all pertinent information?

Being introverted isn’t inherently bad, but I could go into detail as to why it isn’t the best state of mind, either. That’s a topic for another day, and I might’ve already written on that and I just can’t recall. In any case it’s how I saw myself. I make few friends, but treat them well. I don’t trust easily, and I try to consider myself and the people around me wrong at least once, just to play devil’s advocate. Doing so, unfortunately, makes it even harder to make friends. Though it’s not that an introvert needs any help making such a thing more difficult.

Streaming

The majority of entertainment I consume is in the form of YouTube videos and Netflix shows. After that I suppose Twitch streamers would be third, but I find the ability to rewind is something I can’t live without. A few notable channels I subscribe to are TrumpSC (not the politician, a professional Hearthstone player), the Game Grumps, Muselk, Zylbrad, and Day[9]. That last one, a former starcraft pro player and commentator Sean Plott has such a wonderful show. He seems to be a never ending fount of happiness and positivity. Watching him and others stream made me want to try it, and thanks to the Twitch app on the Xbox One I did.

What I found is that, first of all, monologuing for any extended period of time is actually really hard. I started slowly, and the more I did it the more I enjoyed it. I’m incredibly unpopular when I stream and the YouTube videos I make from the streams are equally unpopular. Nevertheless I still really like doing it, and I know that if I were to be more popular I would enjoy it even more. When I was thinking about this it hit me that this isn’t really something an introverted person should enjoy, right?

Confidence

canyon-215687_1280In my post Diffidence and Confidence I mention how being confident can seep back into you. The more confidence you act, the more confident you are, the line between confidence and diffidence becomes blurred.

When I’m trying to stream, I know that what I don’t enjoy watching is a timid quiet streamer that doesn’t talk very often and sounds like they think the mic they’re speaking into is going to jump out and hurt them. This means that if I want to be even mildly entertaining I need to speak with more confidence and bravado. Well I’ve streamed for many hours at this point, and though I’m still unpopular I find being confident while streaming comes easier. Realizing that made me realize that maybe the streaming has made me a more confident person. Now I’m not sure what the dynamics are of only being confident in front of a screen when talking to yourself or others over the Internet versus being confident in person. Still, I think my streaming has had an equal and opposite reaction to me.

Can you be confident and introverted at the same time? I’m no psychology major but that sounds like a contradiction if I’ve ever heard one. This means that labeling myself an introvert is no longer perfectly accurate. Well there goes one of the major things that I thought made me who I am.

Second Image

When we’re told at a young age “you can be anything you want.” I think that’s not really so true. I mean, technically it is, yes, but realistically we can’t all be astronauts. Life doesn’t work out so neatly. I think a more accurate saying is “you can be anyone you want.” The type of person you are can change, though for some it is easier than for others. Change is hard if you’re already an adult, brain chemistry is more solid and we’ve already been exposed to a number of scenarios that have helped shape us.

When I asked myself who I am, I didn’t hear one voice answer. I’m not going crazy, I’m not hearing voices. Though the voice of an introvert wasn’t the only reply anymore. Now I heard an introvert from the past and a more confident person as a result of streaming. I feel like I’m two people all in one. My next question would be, is this good or bad? I’m in no position to answer that question, but if someone much smarter than me took a crack at it I’d probably spend some time reading that article.

Even further, what about being three? or four? How many me’s can (or should) there be? Having two ways to go about myself feels a bit liberating. I can choose to be introverted or extroverted. The thing is that they’re frames of mind, and I feel like I have the pick of them.

I Am Two

head-1965675_1280Since I am familiar with being introverted, and taking solace in solitude, then when left alone I can tap into that. To calm my mind and revel in the quiet that surrounds me. Staying away from people is peaceful, and people are troublesome anyway. It gives order to the chaos that interacting with people can bring and that feels very nice. It’s a mindset I have spent much more time in, so it comes more naturally to me.

However, if I try to tap into the confidence I use while streaming then the mindset shifts. People aren’t troublesome, they’re fluid and changing. Everyone brings a new perspective to the world, and everyone has something different to say. There are so many experiences to share with other people, and so many views. I know such a flavor of people, and I’m only 24! How many more flavors will I meet throughout my life?

I can’t bring myself to use both frames of mind at the same time. They clash too much. But if I focus on one then I can take advantage of the situation I’m in. I can ignore the introverted part of me I’ve carried for so long when I’m at a social gathering. I can recede back into that past introverted mindset when I’m alone so I can have a calming of the mind and give myself time to think.What I do know, is that trying to switch from one to the other is exhausting.

Who are you?

Have you ever heard about someone that has lied so much that they have begun to believe their own lie? This showcases how fluid our minds are. This makes them easy to tamper with, and even easier for them to develop flaws if we go through hardships. What if instead of repeating a lie until we believed it, we repeated a mindset we disagreed with? Mindsets aren’t inherently bad, just different. Would we not begin to take on that mindset just like a lie? I wonder how hard it would be for people to entirely change who they were, if they but gave little more than the mental concentration towards it for a long period of time.

I suspect some people are more fluid than others. Some people more stubborn and resistant to change will refuse changing their mindset in even the smallest details. I’m not sure if they can be helped or not, but for myself I take pride in my ability to consider that I’m wrong.

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Daily Prompt: Simple

via Daily Prompt: Simple

Simplicity in online video games can be both a good thing and a bad thing.I play quite my fair share of online games. The majority of them have some sort of combative aspect, that is the human controlled characters are pitted against one another. Also, a common theme in these games is that there are different play styles.Be it that the game has a class system that changes gameplay drastically from one class to another, or gameplay changes slightly by using different mechanics by choice.

In Halo or Call of Duty you might have perks or different weapons, but everyone is for the most part the same soldier. It’s a simpler design in those games. That isn’t always a good thing.

Skill Floors

xbox-283116_1280A skill floor and skill ceiling is something mostly discussed in video games with many ways to play the game. In TF2 there are a dozen characters to play as, and they all play differently. In every MOBA game (League of Legends, DotA, Smite, Heroes of the Storm, etc…) you pick a champion, god, hero, or whatever that game decides to call the characters. A skill floor and a skill ceiling apply to each character, no matter what genre of game you play, so long as there are different play styles.

When I think of “simple” I think of these two aspects of games, and how making gameplay simple isn’t always a good thing. A skill floor describes the minimum level of skill needed to do well with a character. To have a high skill floor means that most players will play that character poorly, and you have to be particularly good at the game to stand to play mediocrely with them. So if this is true, why would anyone play a character with a high skill floor? Wouldn’t it make sense on the part of the game developers to make each character’s skill floor as low as possible?

Skill Ceilings

The trade-off comes with the skill ceiling, which is arguably more important. A skill ceiling is the location of the barrier to performance. A low skill ceiling on a character means that the difference between “great” and “good” is negligible. For a truly skilled player to exert their skills and get the most out of it they want to choose the character with the highest skill ceiling. This is because choosing a low skill ceiling will make it so that even at your best you do about as well as someone worse than you. If you know you’re better than someone, you want to see that in the result of the gameplay. However, if you’re better than someone playing the same character, and that character has a low skill ceiling, you won’t see much of a gap between the two of you. Low skill ceilings are used to make novice players able to compete somewhat with more expert players.

How do skill floors and skill ceilings coexist? Well the trade-off of a high skill floor means you’ll almost always have a high skill ceiling. This is to suggest that if you’re good enough to do well with this character, you can improve yourself greatly. At the top of your game this character will limit you less than another character. The best example of this I can give is from Team Fortress 2’s Spy.

The Spy

rock-coral-963319_1280The spy in TF2 is a class centered around deception and maneuverability. His trademark is fooling the enemy team and becoming invisible to position himself accordingly. The trade-off of this character is that they have a relatively low health pool, which makes them easy to kill. So, the spy has a high skill floor. If you’re a mediocre player and try to play the spy, you might find yourself dying many times as the enemy exploits your low health to rid themselves of you quickly.

However, the spy’s advantage is that he is the only character with a built-in one-hit-kill. When the spy is directly behind an enemy player he can use his melee attack to stab them. A backstab is a one-hit kill on players that are not invulnerable to damage. This means that if a spy sneaks up on you without you realizing, you’re as good as dead. The ability of the spy to maneuver himself so that he can get these backstabs is one of the key aspects of playing this way. However, getting in position without getting killed is the challenge. This creates a very high skill ceiling.

Complexity and Illusion

The spy’s skill ceiling is so high, in fact, that truly expert players strike fear in the enemy like no other class does. The power of deception when used properly can decimate the enemy team and leave no trace. The best of players understand the psychology of the enemies and can use that in-game to their advantage. They are the trickster, fooling you, making you look left as they go right.

Though I’m not an expert player, a trick I favor uses the spy’s ability to turn invisible. It doesn’t happen in an instant, so if an enemy player witnesses you turn invisible they will take special note. If you’re running as you turn invisible it isn’t that difficult to predict where the spy will be. The character’s speed and how long they have been invisible for gives you a rough estimate of their location (assuming they keep moving in the same direction, or towards the same objective.) Poor spy players will keep moving in a straight line, after a second they’ll get hit by the enemy and due to their low health pool they die. They might even claim the enemy is cheating because they could see an invisible player. It’s true cheaters do exist online, but the more likely story is that even though you were invisible, you were predictable.

mikado-1743574_1280What I like to do, and it’s something I learned from watching much better players, is to change direction. If you know someone is watching you, turn invisible right in front of them, but as soon as you’re completely invisible then do a 180 and walk right past them. They will try to chase their mental image of where they think you are. And the further they chase that the further away from you they will get.

So what does this have to do with simplicity? Well a high skill floor and ceiling doesn’t typically come from a simple play style. The spy’s deception is not simple at all, the complexity of it is what makes it so difficult to utilize. To say that a character is simple isn’t inherently bad, either. Low skill floor characters need to exist for new players, otherwise the learning curve is terribly off putting and your player base will suffer. Simplicity exists to give people a starting point. Once they’re introduced to the game and they can spend time on it they can work up the ladder of skill. As their skill improves then they will keep hitting skill ceilings on the characters they play. If they want to keep improving they will probably change characters to the more complex ones.

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Perceived Age

If you go to an amusement park or carnival perhaps you’ll find a person that can try to guess your age for a prize. I wonder if eventually these people get really good at it. I don’t think I would do too well, because my internal compass for age isn’t very accurate. Instead of having 4 cardinal points and 3 divisions in between (between N and W is NNW, NW, and WNW) I’m just left with a compass that has four sections. The numbers are very rounded, so telling the difference between someone in their 30s from 40s becomes a challenge.

Fortunately this doesn’t work into my day-to-day so I almost never have to worry about it. I don’t think I’ll quit my job in the I.T. sector to go join a carnival in the near future. Starting at about my early teenage years I’ve been told I look younger than I actually am. This is not something a teenager wants to hear, but it was always followed with “you’ll be glad for that when you get older.” Well, they were wrong. In the world of technology, and especially when job hunting, looking younger can be a problem.

library-1147815_1280You see, with age comes wisdom. Similarly age runs parallel to expertise. There are exceptions to every rule, and undoubtedly there are people advanced in their years that have done little to further their education. You can be wise, but lack expertise at the same time. Also you can have a load of expertise while missing some basic wisdoms. What I’m trying to get across is that these are directly correlated.

In the world of Information Technology, which I find myself submerged in, a lack of expertise is not something you advertise. Nobody wants to employ the uneducated, after all. If you want to give someone money to handle your technology you want to know that they know what they’re doing. So it is in my best interest to give off the appearance of expertise. Hearkening back to expertise and apparent age, if I look young then it will be harder to find a job. It’s hard to say what uneventful job interviews were affected by this, but there is no doubt in my mind that my younger face eventually played a small part. Perhaps this effect wasn’t intentional. If I’m optimistic I’ll tell myself that when the interviews were over the decision makers didn’t consider my age, but that it affected their “feeling” about me.

Whatever the case may be I have found an inverse effect. At my job my age was brought up in casual conversation one day. I’m the youngest on my team, and my actual age was a surprise to someone. However, they thought that I was older than I actually was. How can I be mistaken for a younger person for so many years only for this to change? My only hypothesis is that it’s because of my proven expertise. Since I have been at my current position I have had the opportunity to showcase what I have learned.

medicine-163707_1280The person that was surprised was hired for a similar role, but his expertise was in a different field. He had spent many years getting an education in another field, and is now learning the ropes in a pseudo-software development environment. Of course being formally trained in this area I have much more expertise than this person, even though I’m easily a decade younger. So, since this person only ever knew me by the expertise that I had shown they assumed that with it came age. Their knowledge actually changed the way I was perceived.

I would like to believe that in a perfect world we wouldn’t judge books by covers. However, we’re only human. And humankind has spent generations and countless years depending on interacting in a society, using sight as one of our primary senses. Judging a book by its cover actually has some evolutionary advantage in perceiving threat and opportunity. Given this I don’t think it will ever be possible to completely eliminate this flaw from the world. We have to care about our appearance. It’s built into our society. So we will continue to judge books by covers, but at least we can lean this flaw in the right direction to offset it. It’s a social bandage, a temporary fix for a larger problem that I am far from the right person to try to solve. So, in the meantime I’ll keep trying to prove myself to others and hope that my age never becomes an obstacle.

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Clickbait Conundrum

If you’re unfamiliar, the term “clickbait” refers to titles of articles, websites, videos, etc that are crafted in a particular way. They’re crafted especially to bait you into clicking on them. It’s almost as if it’s called that for a reason. These link names and titles are common on websites such as facebook and buzzfeed. Especially buzzfeed. Despite the value of the content behind the link, the goal of the title is to get you to click on it.

The easiest way to do that? Give some information, hide some information. Common clickbait-like titles will be in a format such as “you’ll never guess what [celebrity name] did to get out of a speeding ticket!” These titles really like exclamation marks at the end, as if by adding that punctuation the article will have more exciting or interesting content. Another common one is “The top [random number] ways you can impress your date.”

chain-722278_1280For example, say you’re an artist trying to find out how to promote your art. If you google that, the top results will probably be things like “40 ways to promote your art.” Does the format look familiar? Well if you want to know what those ways are you better click that link. They’ve hidden some information. Maybe the contents will be exactly what you’re looking for, the idea is that you have to click to find out. They could have just titled it “how to promote your art.” That, however, doesn’t tell you how many ways they’re going to provide you to promote that sketch of a squirrel you drew. They’ve given you information.

These clickbait formats are the results of hundreds of website owners asking themselves, “how do we get people to click links to our website?” Eventually enough people asking the same question will refine a method and perfect it. The result of asking that question is the clickbait format. It’s cancerous, and annoying. It’s an easy way to get people to view your article/website for ad revenue without having to prove any worthwhile content. Once you’ve been baited into clicking the link the website has already got everything from you they wanted. The only next step is to make sure every article on their website has this type of title so that hopefully you click from one article to the next until you’ve exhausted your day giving them hits and increasing their traffic numbers.

immunology-1787743_1280Clearly, I dislike this. However, it works. Sadly enough it really works. If you have substantial content that you put a lot of work and you have to title it then you really need to consider using such a clickbaity title. Why would I advertise you do such a thing even if I hate it? Because it works. If your content is better than a similar buzzfeed article but their title is more clickbaity, you can bet that they’ll get more views. It’s a sad truth, but spreading yourself like a disease is the best thing for business. Which is exactly why advertisements even work. Billboards, website advertisements, youtube advertisements, commercials, newspaper advertisements, you name it. Make yourself more known, and you will get more views. Use a formula specifically crafted to get people to click on your links, and you will get more views.

This is something I struggle with. I don’t make my titles with this format. I would like to think that if somebody wanted to read what I had to write then they would do so based on the merit of my content, not the ability to get them to click my link. The key words there are “I would like to think.” This is because no matter how good my content is, it’s not using a perfected cancerous algorithm. This is an example of how doing what you think is right, isn’t always what will get you the win. Using a clickbaity title feels like cheating. It feels like being dishonest to me, which is why I don’t use it. But if only the cheaters win how is anything substantial supposed to be added to the internet? Should I swallow my pride to get more viewers and hope they like what I have? Should I start taking buzzfeed’s lead and write the most mind-numbing simple posts I can to get more viewers?

Maybe one day I’ll have a mental breakdown and you’ll see a new post by me named “the top 10 things you wish you knew please click this link i’m so desperate.” I hope that day never comes.

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